What Are Healthy Relationship Boundaries in High School?

High school can be difficult enough - you are met with balancing school, academics, maintaining a social life, and keeping your relationships happy and healthy. Now, not every relationship will be perfect; in fact, far from it.

You may even be asking yourself, “What are healthy relationship boundaries during my time at St. Agnes Academy?” Here's some advice on how to keep balanced boundaries in high school, in every aspect - with friends, family, teachers, and more.

Today, I’ll dive into five areas where it’s important to maintain healthy boundaries during your high school years:

First off, let’s review probably the most common and well-known relation - friendship. True friendships are a rare and valuable thing to have, and like the age-old saying, it is always good to know who your true friends are.

Of course, not everyone will be your best friend you met in 6th grade and have been inseparable ever since, or your other half you met in high school. What I’ve found is that new friends are easy to make, but harder to maintain. And you might find the opposite true!

Different dynamics work for various types of people. But sometimes, even your oldest friends can push your limits and boundaries. The question pops into your mind: “How do I maintain my friendships and my boundaries at the same time?”

Well, when it comes to personal limits to maintain our mental health, the saying “step out of your comfort zone!” is not at all applicable. Instead, we can try to stay firm, yet polite. If a friend keeps pressuring you to do certain activities, and you just don’t want to, it’s okay to say no.

Now this might seem like a “duh!” statement, but you’d be surprised how often we say a reluctant and exasperated “yes” to appease the incessant and relentless pleas of our friends. And I don’t just mean in darker topics, like smoking, drugs, and alcohol. In my opinion, people who engage in self-harm wouldn’t make the best friends. After all, how can you expect them to be there for you when they’re struggling to be there for themselves?

Setting these boundaries can also look like demotion - not directly cutting off your friends, but sometimes, you can tell some people just aren’t as appreciative of you as they should be, or take you for granted. This can result in a mature and polite demotion, meaning you simply stop treating them as a close friend when they don’t even act like one.

Cutting off certain people is also a good example of setting healthy boundaries for yourself. While it seems selfish or even narcissistic, you should always prioritize your mental health first. You don’t need to look out for everyone, and you are not anyone’s therapist.

Now, for families, this may seem a little trickier, as older generations tend to cling to the “blood is thicker than water” motif, but setting boundaries is still necessary. Whether it's an aunt who gives too many unwanted critical comments or a grandfather who doesn't know the phrase “personal space,” we need to know when and how to excuse ourselves when the time calls for it.

Any time you feel uncomfortable, it is totally okay to excuse yourself and walk away. Anyone who tells you otherwise should be flagged as a red flag and is entirely incorrect. Physical boundaries are just as important as mental and financial boundaries.

Sometimes it can also feel like there are no better people at being critical than your own family members - and of course, your feelings can get hurt, and resentment can grow. There are two healthy reactions to this, and at the end of the day, cutting off certain relatives who have proven themselves over the years to be toxic and cruel can ultimately be the most mature and rewarding thing you can do for yourself.

Now onto balancing your academic workload and social life, which, trust me, can be the hardest thing in the world. The first and honestly final thing to start with is knowing yourself and your schedule. 

Maybe say no to that volunteer credit on Saturday if you’re a little behind on studying for a few tests or have some missing homework assignments. Or perhaps you're the opposite, and have more free time on your hands. Doing an extracurricular activity – like joining a sports team or volunteering once or twice a week – would be a fun and healthy way to become more well-rounded while balancing your schoolwork and passions.

Either way, you should never push yourself to do too much or too little. 

The same advice goes for shopping! You may not have thought about shopping as a relationship, but it can easily take over your emotions, feelings, and thoughts – just like your standing with a friend or family member.

And I get it, I really do - sometimes all you need is another mood booster, like a new cute pair of slouchy heeled boots, or that new lip gloss from Sephora you’ve been eyeing. And if your allowance or paycheck (if you work a part-time job as an extracurricular) is flush, then go for it! 

But if you plan to save up for something bigger – maybe a car or your college fund – I say decide if you really need it, and to skip out on a few things to work towards a greater goal. You may also need to cut down on daily coffee runs or getting a sweet treat after school every day. As hard as it seems in the present, your future self will thank you.

Now, finally, onto the most perceived relationships when one mentions boundaries - romantic relationships. Usually, people start “going out” (which is really just nervous hand-holding, or the self-officialization of calling each other “boyfriend-girlfriend”) from ages 12-15, which seems pretty standard.

But what is really important is that you don’t feel pressured to get into one, and waiting for the right person will only benefit you, not anyone else. Don’t jump into something just because everyone else is doing it.

Have a good heart, and a right mind, and you’ll soon find out quickly other things shouldn’t be done “just because others are doing it, too.”

Now, if you are in a formal relationship, some romantic partners may pressure you into doing things you don’t want to, and this can range from sexual to even extracurricular.

You are just as valid and respectable if you don’t want to engage in any sort of intimate relations or if you just don’t want to go out on a date with the guy who asked for your number. You can say no, even if it seems complicated, and more often than not, saying no will save you a lot of trouble.

To summarize, knowing yourself and knowing your boundaries will keep you safe and secure, not just in relationships, but in life.

In the journey of high school, establishing and upholding healthy relationship boundaries is essential for personal growth, balance, and long-term well-being. By respecting your own needs and limits with friends, family, academics, shopping habits, and romantic partners, you create a foundation for a fulfilling and authentic life.

Remember, if you ever have questions about what are healthy relationship boundaries in certain situations, stop and remember that your boundaries are a reflection of your values and self-worth. They are designed to shield you from unnecessary stress and help you to prioritize what truly matters to you.

At St. Agnes Academy, our community is committed to fostering a culture of respect, support, and mutual understanding. If you ever feel unsure about your boundaries or need guidance, know that you are not alone!

Please reach out, get involved, and take part in the strong community culture that defines St. Agnes. Visit the Community Culture page to learn more about the resources, events, and values that can help you thrive both in and out of the classroom.